Dating is an important part of everyone’s life, whether looking for a new partner or going on a date with your spouse. Although it may seem that one is too young or too old, dating has nothing to do with actual age. It is open for everyone at all times, as long as the person allows themselves to stay open and motivated. Some are lucky to meet their other halves early and with no effort. Some may convince themselves that they do not want or do not have time for a serious relationship and substitute it with promiscuity, substance abuse or exhausting nights out that lead to feelings of emptiness that can be alleviated by repeating the behaviour.
If one remains open, they may discover the real source of wanting to feel “free” and not wanting to be “weighted down” by someone. Most often than not, there is a degree of disappointment in what relationship can offer with accompanying negative beliefs either about the opposite gender, oneself or family as a unit. This is often due to rejecting, abusive or ungratifying experiences within the original family, who may have served as a bad model and broken one’s trust in strong family bonds. It is not uncommon that the individual goes through life convinced of their happy family experiences to only find out that they have been lying to themselves and did not want to admit that their family was less than perfect. Usually, when the individual becomes more honest with themselves with the help of an objective psychotherapist, many obstacles to a gratifying relationship are cleared.
It may also happen that the original family was always a happy unit and set such as high standard that one does not want to attempt to meet. In psychoanalytic psychotherapy, you may learn a different story about yourself that will uncover sides of you that you did know existed.
Many people, however come to therapy when they would like to commit to the right person, but cannot find them. With the help of psychoanalytic psychotherapy, your psychotherapist will help you to uncover the reason. It may range from unresolved unconscious attraction to the wrong type, acting in an aloof or needy manner, pushing the other away through lack of trust and high emotional needs, low self-esteem, unrealistic assumptions about others or lack of skills such as assertiveness.
It is often the case that establishing the root cause of the problem is healing itself. It naturally opens up previously unseen possibilities. With the help of psychoanalytic psychotherapy, you may find out that it is often the case that whom we love may not be the same person whom we can be happy with, or that some relationships are not meant to last which does not deny their value. With the help of cognitive behavioural therapy, you may further learn how to establish goals and needs, objectively evaluate potential partners according to your goals and needs, control your feelings in the process of choice. With your permission, your psychotherapist will give you honest feedback about your perceptions and behaviour and suggest improvements in how you approach your potential partners. You may also choose to discuss where and how to meet someone desirable in London.
Dating is often portrayed in cinematography and literature as a romantic and action-packed adventure that often has a happy ending. The reality, however, might be very different. It is often frustrating, unsuccessful, unlucky and confusing experience that has a potential to shatter once self-esteem, ruin hopes for a happy future and a family with the right person, damage ability to trust or rely on others, cause depression, inner conflicts, despair, anxiety and many other intense feelings. In psychotherapy, you will acquire the right set of skills and attitudes necessary to stay resilient, excited, and motivated to stay open to the magic.